


Chemical Bonds

by dreiser



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: F/F, Femslash, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-19
Updated: 2012-01-19
Packaged: 2017-10-29 19:00:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/323085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreiser/pseuds/dreiser
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There were few things in life Spencer Hastings didn't believe she could control. Her attraction to Aria Montgomery was one of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chemical Bonds

Getting drunk wasn't the smartest idea but one too many bad things had been happening lately. A's harassment had increased and it seemed as if there were enemies behind every corner. When they gathered at Spencer's house because her parents were out of town with Melissa and Hanna rooted through the cabinets to produce the vodka and tequila it was hard to turn down the temptation. And so, drink they did. A lot and quite well, enough to leave Hanna and Emily crashing on the couch downstairs while Aria dragged Spencer upstairs, wanting to go through her wardrobe for a fashion show.

"Why are you so tall?" Aria mourned, going through Spencer's closet. Eventually she pulled out a 1900's Black Velvet Shrug and put it on. Twisting around quickly, she eyed herself in the mirror. "This looks like a normal jacket on me. You need to stop growing."

"I apologize for that growth spurt in the sixth grade, Aria, really I do," drawled Spencer, lying on her bed, hanging upside down and peering at Aria as she rooted through her clothes. "Try that tweed skirt. It should fit you."

"I am not wearing anything tweed," said Aria decisively. She kept searching through the closet until she found a silver Behnaz Sarafpour Puff Skirt and shrieked. Immediately, she started shucking off her jeans and Spencer watched her with amusement, vaguely making bow chicka wow noises and thanking Aria for the strip tease. Ignoring Spencer and pulling the skirt on, Aria admired her reflection and put her hands on her hips, facing Spencer. "Well?" she demanded. "How do I look?"

"Petite," said Spencer playfully and Aria frowned severely. Clucking her tongue, Spencer turned right side up and rested her chin in her hand as she stared at Aria then added, "And gorgeous."

"I do, don't I?" said Aria, preening as she looked at her reflection. Soon bored of looking at herself, she flopped down next to Spencer on the bed, causing it to bounce. Studying Spencer for a moment, she reached for her hair, playing with it absently. "This is nice."

"What?" Spencer asked, turning over and lying on her back, gazing up at Aria. "Being drunk?"

"Yeah," said Aria with a slow smile, "being drunk and acting normal and teenage like."

Snorting at this, Spencer remarked, "We never do that anymore. In fact, did we ever do that?"

"Probably not," said Aria thoughtfully, twisting Spencer's hair around her finger. She looked at Spencer for a long while, aware the alcohol was thoroughly relaxing her and filling her with an enjoyable warmth. Unwinding Spencer's hair, Aria lightly touched Spencer's cheek and observed, "You have really soft skin."

"I moisturize often," said Spencer in a matter of fact way, offering Aria a rakish grin.

Aria murmured an absent reply and her fingertips drifted upwards, moving over Spencer's lips and a tiny furrow formed between her brow. "Are your lips as soft?" she wondered aloud.

"I don't know," Spencer breathed, suddenly very aware of Aria's proximity, "but I do use hydrating lip balms."

"This isn't really a conversation about beauty rituals anymore, is it?" observed Aria.

"Was it ever?" asked Spencer hoarsely.

"Maybe," said Aria, tilting her head to one side and considering it. "For, like, two seconds."

"Aria," Spencer said her name in a whisper. "What are we doing?"

"Nothing yet," said Aria, scooting closer, her fingers resting on Spencer's chin. "I want to do something though."

"We're drunk," said Spencer bluntly.

"You know how you're friends with somebody and you forget they're attractive?" Aria offered, ignoring Spencer's words, and sliding closer. "Because now they're in the friend box and one somebody's in the friend box it's like the attractive lid is closed. I never had that happen with you. The lid was always off."

"That's an absurd compliment," said Spencer, chuckling fondly. When Aria pouted at her response, she hugged the other girl to her and tipped her head back, staring up at the ceiling. "You don't need to wear my clothes, you always look beautiful."

"Tarantula necklace and all?" asked Aria, thinking of how Spencer tended to squint funnily when she wore that necklace.

"Beautiful," Spencer reiterated, looking Aria in the eyes.

"Don't move," Aria instructed, pushing herself up and hovering over Spencer. "I want to test the effectiveness of your lip balms."

Spencer's eyes widened and she started to reply but Aria was kissing her. At first it was awkward. Their lips met hesitantly and their teeth clacked and it wasn't that good. Aria said as much when they parted and Spencer frowned, upset by this and Aria remarked that they could definitely get better, kissing Spencer again, and this time there were no clacking teeth, just unbearably soft lips, softer than Aria imagined and the overwhelming urge to continue. So continue they did, one kiss leading into another and another, breathing hard when they separated only to kiss again and Aria's hand drifted down, sliding underneath the material of Spencer's gray t-shirt to rest on her flat abdomen. Spencer arched into her touch as Aria cupped her breast, thumb circling her nipple, delighting in how it hardened at her touch and the way Spencer moaned into her mouth as they continued to kiss deeper yet, tongues exploring.

"What are we doing?" Spencer breathed, her voice raspy, looking up at Aria.

"Making out," answered Aria, her gaze focused on Spencer's lips, already wanting to kiss her again. Wondering why they stopped.

"We're drunk," said Spencer, echoing her earlier words. "This is a bad idea."

"Friends kiss," Aria insisted, settling her leg in between Spencer's, moving closer yet. "Besides," she said, looking off to one side, a vulnerable expression clinging to her features for a moment before she faced Spencer again. "It was good, wasn't it?"

"Too good," Spencer muttered. "And do friends feel friends up because you did that too."

"Some friends do, good friends, us kind of friends," said Aria and Spencer rewarded her with a supremely skeptical expression. "Spence," said Aria quietly, touching her cheek. "This doesn't have to be some major thing. Also, you totally let me feel you up."

"Because you're tiny and aggressive," Spencer grumped, biting her lip and shifting beneath Aria. As she tried to ignore the tempting curves of Aria's body and the delightful warmth and pressure provided by Aria's weight on her, Spencer fought against her better logic. Something made much easier by the alcohol and her hormones. "I suppose you could be right," said Spencer slowly, staring hard at Aria's lips that seemed way too close and far away at the same time.

"Stranger things have happened," murmured Aria, grinning.

For once, Spencer didn't reply, she just kissed Aria hard, holding her close and dismissed all the worries and questions lurking in the back of her mind. This one night she would be like any other reckless teenager and just enjoy herself, consequences be damned and it would all work itself out in the morning. For now, she would enjoy making out with her very attractive best friend.

They woke up four hours later to the sounds of Emily banging around in the kitchen and Hanna complaining about a hangover. Aria was draped over Spencer's body and Spencer had her hands beneath Aria's shirt. Aria groaned and buried her face in Spencer's neck and mumbled, "My brain feels like it's going to explode."

"Alcohol can do that," said Spencer wisely, covering her eyes with her hand, shielding what little light in the room from her gaze.

Silence reigned for several minutes then Aria rolled over, lying next to Spencer and covering her eyes with her arm. "We kind of got it on last night, didn't we?" she said finally.

"That's a nonspecific and yet adept assessment," said Spencer.

Moving her arm away from her eyes just slightly, Aria turned to look at Spencer. It was never good when she started using large and SAT specific words. "Hey," said Aria softly, rolling over and pulling Spencer's hand away so the other girl would look at her. "I wasn't lying when I said it doesn't have to be a big thing. We made out and maybe I groped you a little but that doesn't mean we're suddenly not friends anymore. If anything, maybe that makes us way closer friends?"

"Sex friends," said Spencer with dry humor.

There was a pause as both girls considered they weren't far from having sex last night and tried not to focus on the fact that they easily could've done that and enjoyed themselves quite a bit in the process. Shaking her head and immediately groaning at how this increased her headache, Aria moved over Spencer, looking down at her as she said, "Look. You're still you and I'm still me and we're still friends, aren't we?" When Spencer heaved a sigh and reluctantly agreed, Aria said rather logically, "We just won't do it again."

"Are you going to tell Ezra?" asked Spencer, worry clinging to her voice. "I know you two just got back together."

"Our secret relationship has resumed, yes," said Aria, pushing herself up, her legs hanging over the side of the bed. Looking back at Spencer, she said, "I don't think there's anything to tell him but if you want then I will. Only this isn't going to happen again, right?"

"Right," said Spencer slowly, sitting up and tilting her head from side to side, popping her neck and making Aria wince. "I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to, Aria."

"Thanks," Aria said, obviously relieved. Studying Spencer's slim frame, she blushed when her friend caught her eyes, and she volunteered, "It was good and I mean good in the most understated way possible."

"I'd say it was stupendous," said Spencer wryly, smiling at Aria who grinned.

"What about you and Toby?" asked Aria curiously. "Are you...?"

"We're not together," said Spencer almost sternly. She sighed and looked at Aria apologetically and said, "It's never going to be safe for him to be around me and he's gone through too much already. We're better off as friends."

"Spence," said Aria sadly, "maybe you--"

"Aria, I love you, but I really don't want to talk about this," said Spencer firmly, giving her a weak smile. "It is what it is, okay? Anyway, it's not the end of the world. I have my friends and my studies and sometimes my family and the promise of Princeton."

Personally, Aria found this assessment depressing, especially since she knew how Spencer cared for Toby, but if Spencer didn't want to talk about it anymore she wasn't going to bring it up. Seeing that introspective look seize Spencer's features and knowing she put it there, Aria wanted to remove it and the easiest way to do it would be to make Spencer fixate on something else.

"So," said Aria mischievously, bumping her shoulder with Spencer's. "I was stupendous, huh?"

"You have such a huge ego for such a small person," said Spencer drolly. "But yes," she admitted, blushing and looking away from Aria. Standing up, she retrieved the clothes Aria had piled on the floor during her fashion show. "You were. Not that it matters. We've made a decision, haven't we? So it really doesn't matter how good you are with that tongue thing you do, it's not happening again."

"Tongue thing," echoed Aria, trying to recall what that was, and when she did a smug expression formed on her features.

Rolling her eyes and draping her jacket over her arm, Spencer walked over to Aria and lightly rapped her on the top of her head. "Stop being an egomaniac and get dressed somewhat decently. I have to make a hangover breakfast."

"Ow, hey," Aria complained, rubbing her head, and pouting at Spencer. "You didn't have to do that."

"I really did. It was the only way to keep it from growing any bigger," said Spencer casually, smirking at Aria as she walked out the door, laughing at Aria's protest.

\---

The worst thing about having a late night drunken make out/groping session with one of your very attractive best friends is the fact you can't stop thinking about it. Thinking about it, fantasizing about it, dreaming about it... well, at least if you were Aria Montgomery you couldn't. The second worst thing had to be the fact that the object of all your thinking, fantasizing, and dreaming appeared to not have any of these problems. Spencer easily went back into friend mode, seemingly ignoring the stupendousness of Aria's tongue skills and it drove Aria more than a little bit crazy if she thought about it for too long.

It didn't drive her as crazy as the dreams though. The dreams were definitely the most crazy making. They were longer and far more explicit than any of the ones she had about Jason. A combination of misty memories and fantasy, they focused around Aria having her way with Spencer in a variety of scenarios. This happened enough that Aria was starting to think of herself as a top because she was always the one in control in her dreams. There was Spencer, breathing heavily, eyes dark with desire, and her voice lower than usual, pleading with Aria for release and always without fail, that was when Aria woke up. Wet and wanting and surrendering to the need for masturbation, Spencer's face foremost in her mind.

Things had gotten to the point that when Aria saw Spencer in the light of day it was hard to not think of those dreams and how Spencer looked in them. They had, in some strange way, become a distant reality to Aria. Something she could have if she wanted it badly enough and she did want it, wrong as it was due to her off again on again relationship with Ezra. There was also the matter of Spencer's seeming indifference to their drunken escapade. Something that bothered Aria more than she'd like to admit.

Aria had suffered through three days of explicit dreams about Spencer when she finally snapped. And snapped in a not at all violent or suspicious way. Instead, she sat at their usual table for lunch and gave into the urge to compliment Spencer on the white pleated Varia dress she had on.

"That dress looks pretty on you," said Aria the second that Spencer approached. Spencer stood still, holding her tray of food in hand and her eyes narrowed slightly as she stared at Aria. Huffing at this reaction, Aria said, "I'm not hitting on you! I'm just saying you look pretty. It's obvious, Spence. Like me saying you're super anal and mystery solving obsessed."

"I'm not super anal," Spencer retorted, sitting across from Aria, taking time to smooth her dress. "And I like your hat," she offered, referencing Aria's blue felt derby that featured a bright pink feather in the brim. "Now that we're done giving obligatory compliments, are you going to help me tonight or not?"

"My parents are guarding me like a rabid dog," said Aria, she paused, rethinking her phrasing. "Or caging me like one. Anyway. There's no way they'll let me go out tonight and sneaking out is getting more and more dicey."

"I'm telling you, if we get into that house, we'll find something," Spencer insisted.

"I don't think we should do anything A suggests," said Aria frankly. "It's not like they have our best interests at heart." Spencer muttered discontentedly in response and Aria studied her thoughtfully, unable to help noticing how the dress fell perfectly on Spencer's slim frame. Moments later, she was pulled out of her musings when Spencer snapped a finger in front of her face. "What?"

"You were checking me out," said Spencer, looking amused at this.

"I wasn't and who has a big ego now?" said Aria quickly, a little too quickly, and Spencer smirked at her. Heaving a sigh and shaking her head, Aria waved her hands a bit and exclaimed, "Fine! I was! It's hard to turn off the 'gee she's hot' part of my brain now that it's been officially activated. I'm not like you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Spencer with a frown.

"Just that you went right back to normal and it's not that easy for me," said Aria plainly, an annoyed look on her features. Spencer's frown grew deeper and she looked as if she wanted to reply but Hanna and Emily finally emerged from the lunch line. Instantly, she took up her crusade to get someone to go through the DiLaurentis' house with her.

Keeping her gaze deliberately away from Spencer as she wheedled Hanna and Emily, she wondered why it was like this. After all, she had Ezra, so there was no reason to get stuck on Spencer and what they did when they were drunk. Yes, it was good, and yes she'd like to do it again but there had been a lot of people Aria liked at one time or another and she never thought about them all the time. Much less had erotic dreams about them. So why was it so different when it came to Spencer?

It was a question that Aria suspected she might never get an answer to. Particularly without Spencer's cooperation.

\---

None of Spencer's plans ever ended well, Aria was certain of that. What she wasn't certain of was why they kept going along with them. Maybe it was the force of Spencer's personality? She was similar to Alison in that way but nowhere as intimidating or just plain manipulative. Spencer had a way of speaking that made you want to listen and she was terribly convincing when she wanted to be. Once she decided on a path, there was an absolute confidence behind her actions and nothing could sway her. At times, Aria admired that. How she never wavered in her convictions but at the moment, Aria wished Spencer wasn't that way.

Because if she stopped, thought, and reconsidered maybe she wouldn't have gotten a text from A, taunting as always, hinting at Spencer being in harms way. Immediately using the escape path Mike had shown her, Aria scrambled out of the house and went running for Alison's house. Hanna and Emily were already on the scene and they helped Aria climb into the open window on the bottom floor, using the same access point as Spencer. She quickly opened the front door for her friends and they began their search, screaming Spencer's name and it was Hanna who found her. Collapsed on the second floor in Alison's old room.

They were in a panic for several moments, until Emily recalled her first aid training, checking Spencer's pulse. She had just assured them that she was still alive when Spencer groaned, mumbling that of course she was alive. Hurriedly, they helped Spencer to her feet and got out of the house, hoping against hope that no one had seen them enter.

Aria's house was the closest and they decided to go back there, where it would hopefully be safe. Reluctant to leave Spencer but aware of her parents reaction to her sneaking out, she told them to wait outside until she texted them. Just so she would have enough time to safely get back inside before they rang the doorbell. Climbing back up and wondering how Mike managed to do this without any problems for so long, Aria swore she needed to stop doing things like this.

Landing on her floor with a thump, Aria pulled her cell phone out of her jeans and texted Hanna. Seconds later she heard an impatient series of doorbell rings and her mother was shouting her name. Taking the steps three at a time, Aria rushed downstairs and barely listened to her mother as she said that her friends couldn't stay for long, despite it being Friday night. Absently agreeing, Aria wrapped an arm around Spencer's waist and walked much more slowly up the stairs with her.

They gathered in Aria's room, Aria leading Spencer over to her bed where Spencer slumped against her, resting heavily into Aria's body who looked worriedly at her. "Spence," she murmured softly, reaching out with her free hand to lace her fingers with Spencer's. "What happened?"

"A happened," said Spencer, looking at them with wide and fearful eyes. "When I got into Ali's room, some of the floorboards were pulled up. There wasn't anything under them but I got an idea to see if some others were loose and I found one underneath her dresser that was. When I pulled it up there was a metal box with a bunch of papers and pictures inside. I didn't even get a chance to look through them when I was knocked out." She complained at this, rubbing the back of her head.

"Jesus," Aria uttered, holding Spencer's hand tighter.

"Great," said Hanna strongly. "First me, now Spencer. And Emily!" Hanna cried, looking at Emily who blinked at the attention. "A totally poisoned you, trying to ruin your rep and make you into a swimmer on steroids."

"My rep?" Emily echoed, entertained by Hanna's rhyming.

"I don't think A wanted to hurt me," said Spencer seriously. "If they did there was more than enough time for them to do it. This whole thing was about getting whatever was in that box. They wanted me to find it so they could steal it."

"Why couldn't they just get it on their own?" asked Hanna and everyone was quiet, trying to understand A's motives.

Theories flew for the next hour, mostly Spencer's, until Ella knocked on the door, saying it was time for them to go home. Aria looked at Spencer, and seeing the stress hidden beneath the layers of self control, she walked out of her room. Closing the door behind her, Aria looked at her mother, a plea in her voice as she asked, "Can they stay the night?"

"You don't understand how punishing you works, do you?" asked Ella in dry tones.

"Mom," said Aria in almost a whine, biting her lip. "Spencer," she said stubbornly. "At least let Spencer stay."

"Why Spencer?" asked Ella almost suspiciously.

"She's going through some stuff," said Aria vaguely. "Please," said Aria emphatically. "I don't want her to be alone."

"All right, Spencer can stay," said Ella and Aria cried out happily, hugging her mother. "Just don't make me regret it," said Ella, her tone fond but warning all the same as she walked away.

"I won't!" Aria promised, opening her door and bouncing into her room. Landing next to Spencer on her bed, she grinned and said, "I got permission for you to stay the night." Hanna started to question this and Aria turned to her and Emily and said, "I tried to get her to let all of you stay but it's Spencer or nothing."

"Come on," said Emily, pulling Hanna up and offering a soft smile. "It's a sleepover at your house every night with us anyway."

"I guess," said Hanna reluctantly, "but you never let me braid your hair anymore."

"For good reason," said Emily, saying goodbye to Aria and Spencer.

Hanna gave Spencer a final hug, telling her to call if she needed anything, and they were left alone. "It's okay I asked if you could stay, isn't it?" asked Aria, wondering if maybe she had imposed her wishes onto Spencer. "I just thought you wouldn't want to be alone."

"You were right," said Spencer, smiling at Aria and lying down on her bed. Aria joined her, curling onto her side and watching as Spencer took her hand and ran her fingers over Aria's palm. "I want to be here with you," she admitted.

"Good," said Aria softly, resting her head on Spencer's shoulder. "We're in agreement."

Spencer chuckled at this and they lay in silence, listening to the muted sounds of the house, and eventually Aria stood up, saying they should get ready for bed. Following after Aria, Spencer remarked that there was no way she'd fit into her pajamas. Grunting at the light whap Aria gave to her midsection, she accepted the spare toothbrush Aria handed her. Removing it from the packaging and brushing her teeth quickly, Spencer wandered back to Aria's room.

"You can sleep in one of my t-shirts at least," said Aria, closing her door and going through her dresser, tossing one at Spencer.

Holding the oversized shirt up, Spencer eyed the garish purple monkeys on it and said, "Where did you get this?"

"Paris," said Aria, removing her shirt and throwing it into the hamper. "Why?"

"It doesn't look very Parisian," remarked Spencer, busying herself with taking off her shoes and pants as she did her level best to not peek at Aria as she continued to strip. Spencer made fast work of her blouse, removing it and replacing it with the purple monkey shirt, feeling grateful that she didn't wear a bra today. "Not that I know what Parisian t-shirts look like."

"They look like purple monkeys," said Aria humorously, tugging on a white tank top and sleep shorts.

With a flick of her wrist, Aria turned off the lights, and climbed into bed. They lay next to each other in silence, the sound of breathing the only noise in the room. Aria wasn't sure how much time passed when she asked, "Are you awake?"

"Yes," said Spencer wryly, deciding not to comment they had only been in bed for a few minutes.

Turning onto her side, Aria moved closer to Spencer, leaning on her elbow and looking down at her in the darkness. The moon and distant streetlights lit the room dimly, allowing Aria to make out Spencer's features. "You scared me today," she said, drawing forward, pushing a lock of hair away from Spencer's forehead. "If you have to snoop, don't do it alone. Wait for one of us."

"I was investigating, not snooping," Spencer corrected and Aria stared at her, clearly not liking that answer. Heaving a sigh, Spencer shifted closer to Aria and said, "I'll wait."

"Good," said Aria, pleased with Spencer's reply. Aria's hand moved to her head, touching it gently as she asked, "Does it hurt?"

"No, not anymore," said Spencer quietly.

There was a long pause and to Spencer it seemed like Aria was fighting with herself. She clearly had something to say but perhaps she didn't know how to say it. Eventually, Aria settled for not saying anything at all and kissing Spencer, slow and soft, touching her cheek and pulling away reluctantly. "I don't want to lose you," Aria confessed, the words thick on her tongue, looking at Spencer with shining eyes. "I don't think I could deal with it, not after everything that's happened."

"Please," Spencer scoffed, her smile was reassuring and charming at the same time. "I'm not that easy to get rid of."

Laughing at this, Aria rested her forehead against Spencer's, closing her eyes and taking a slow breath. She shivered at the feel of Spencer's arms wrapping around her waist, hands on the small of her back. When she opened her eyes, Aria could see the desire reflected in Spencer's gaze before Spencer kissed her. This kiss wasn't like any of the other kisses they shared, there was no languid feel to it, instead it was hurried and rushed, frantic in its passion, and it left Aria breathless when they parted.

"I know we shouldn't do this," said Spencer, her hands moving underneath Aria's shirt, "but I don't care."

"Neither do I," revealed Aria, kissing Spencer hard.

She didn't want to think and to analyze, all she wanted was this, to have this feeling, this proof of the real and living connection between her and Spencer. A connection that she had almost lost tonight and it was this thought that made Aria more fervent in her touch, sliding her hand underneath the Parisian t-shirt and cupping Spencer's breast. Spencer moaned into her mouth, pulling Aria closer, opening her mouth, her tongue sliding out to meet Aria's as Aria maneuvered her body in between Spencer's legs. Aria dropped her head down, kissing the line of Spencer's neck, unable to resist the urge to thrust her hips into Spencer as she pulled her up for another kiss. Touching Spencer, kissing her, it felt so good and Aria couldn't remember ever feeling this way. Flush with desire and throbbing to the point of madness and the exposed skin wasn't enough, she wanted to touch Spencer more.

Pulling impatiently at the Parisian t-shirt Spencer wore and casting it aside, Aria stripped off her own clothes. Spencer wasn't startled by their sudden lack of clothes, if anything, this enflamed her, returning Aria's kisses more eagerly than ever. It was only when Aria's hand traveled downward, pausing at the material of Spencer's panties did she pause. Breathing raggedly and looking into Spencer's eyes, the question died on her lips when she felt Spencer's hand rest on top of hers, encouraging movement. Together, they removed the last item of clothing, their kisses demanding as ever, taking what they needed from each other.

Slipping underneath the covers, lacing her fingers with Spencer's, Aria slid down the length of her body, lips wrapping around her nipple, sucking at her breast. Groaning at the feel of Spencer's free hand pressing against the back of her head, fingers gripping her scalp in encouragement. Spencer tasted and felt so good. Smooth and sweet just like milk and honey and drawn by an instinctive need, Aria moved lower, hitching Spencer's legs up with difficulty, her right hand still in Spencer's.

The dreams had been wonderfully graphic and were like a fantasy guideline for Aria. They were everything that she wanted to do with Spencer and maybe that's why when the time came, Aria didn't hesitate, she spread the lips of her sex, exploring with taste and touch. Sucking on Spencer's clit, her tongue flattened, moving over the length of her sex. She felt Spencer shudder and heard a muffled groan then those fingers were in her hair again, pressing hard against her scalp while the hand she held tightened in her own.

It was so fucking good, how Spencer tasted on her lips and tongue but Aria wanted to know how she felt, she wanted to experience the pulse of Spencer on her fingers, constricting around her in desire. Shoving the covers aside, Aria lifted her head up, and paused at the sight of a pillow over Spencer's face. Clearly the other girl had grabbed it in an attempt to silence herself and Aria grinned as she reached for it, tossing it aside, causing it to land on the corner of the bed.

"Aria? What the hell?" asked Spencer in irritation, her voice huskier than normal, causing a shiver to run down Aria's spine.

"Spence," Aria murmured, moving up her body, her knee resting in the axis of Spencer's crotch, grinding into her. Her voice was insistent as she dipped down, whispering in Spencer's ear, "I want to fuck you." She felt Spencer's intake of breath and the tremble that went through her body. They didn't talk about sex, not with Spencer, because as much as she alluded and she teased, there had always been a reservation with her. A sense of propriety but Aria could guess that she was still a virgin. Aria wanted to make very sure that what she wanted was the same thing as Spencer when it came to something as important as this. "With my fingers," Aria continued, knowing she didn't need this added detail, but unable to stop talking. Wanting, for whatever reason, for Spencer to know everything she desired in this moment. "I want to be inside you, I want to feel you come."

"God, Aria," Spencer groaned, lacing her fingers in Aria's hair, drawing her upward. "I want that too."

Spencer's kiss was fierce and as it ended, Aria slid her hand down, resting on the outside of her sex, breathing against Spencer's lips as she murmured, "Slowly at first, okay?"

"Okay," rasped Spencer, lifting her hips up to meet Aria, who kissed her again.

There was a hesitation now, a tenderness and a worry as Aria fondled Spencer, shivering at the wetness that greeted her, moving until she found the entrance to her sex. She went slowly as promised, a single finger moving inside her in a gentle push and Spencer gasped, and Aria looked up at her, suddenly concerned but she was greeted by a shaky smile. "It's fine," Spencer reassured, her voice low and rough, "don't stop."

And so, she didn't, Aria explored the depths of the other girl, marveling at the warmth and the contraction around her finger, moving forward and then backward in a steady retreat. When she felt Spencer was ready she added one then two more fingers, keeping up her pace and responding to the natural rhythm they established. Soon she felt Spencer reaching for her, pulling her up to meet her lips in a passionate kiss, muttering for Aria to go faster, to go harder, and Aria obeyed, increasing her pace. When she felt the frantic motion of Spencer's body against hers, sensing she was close to orgasm, Aria's thumb flicked over her clit, her touch a deliberate tease, and Spencer demanded that Aria kiss her.

They kissed as Spencer came, shuddering and clinging to Aria, and Aria remained inside her long after it was over. Reluctant to leave her warmth, enjoying the way Spencer clung to her fingers. Eventually, she slowly pulled out, her hand wet with desire, sliding up Spencer's body, tracing over her slim frame, roaming over the few curves. Spencer was flush, her face red, and she looked to one side, embarrassment clinging to her features. Aria frowned at this, touching her cheek and Spencer met her eyes, swallowing hard and looking up at her with a questioning gaze. "Was that...?" Spencer trailed off, unable to finish her sentence but Aria could guess.

"It was perfect," said Aria softly, a fond smile curving on her lips as she cupped Spencer's cheek. "You were perfect."

"Oh," Spencer breathed and she looked immensely relieved. "Good."

"I dreamed about this, you know," Aria revealed and she shifted, trying to ignore the throb between her legs. "Me and you having sex. Unbelievably, this was much better than the dreams. No comparison at all."

Spencer blinked at this and then she hesitated, observing the way Aria was squirming against her, and she drew her gaze upward, locking their eyes. "I want to touch you," she confessed in gravelly tones, "but I'm not sure..."

"It's all right," Aria soothed and she tried to control her hormones, difficult as it was on hearing Spencer say that. "This isn't a standardized test or studying for the SATs. There's not a right and a wrong way for us to have sex. Just do what feels natural for you."

"But," Spencer bit her lip and looked at Aria worriedly, "what about you want?"

The smile that Aria formed was blinding in its beauty, that's what Spencer thought as Aria leaned down, her breath warm and sweet against her skin as she said, "That's easy. It's you."

Just a moment of pause then Spencer was flipping her over, her body pressing down into Aria's and the kiss she gave her was frenzied in its desire and Aria groaned, wrapping her arms around Spencer, encouraging her on. Yes, she thought, this was definitely better than all of those dreams. Her imagination, apparently, had nothing on the reality of Spencer Hastings.

\---

"Aria! Breakfast!" Byron's words and a loud banging on her door, woke them up.

Burrowing underneath the covers and hiding in the crook of Spencer's neck, Aria flashed to the night before. Her tasting Spencer, fucking Spencer, Spencer tasting her, Spencer fucking her, and oh god... it was good. Enough that she didn't mind the ache in her sex as she shifted against the taller girl who stiffened and Aria sighed, knowing they were going to have to talk about this.

"Hey," Aria said, looking up at Spencer, who mumbled and blearily rubbed her eyes.

"Hey," Spencer echoed, gazing at Aria, a smile playing on her lips. She studied their naked bodies and said with a touch of droll humor, "What did we say last time?"

"We shouldn't do this," said Aria sardonically.

"I don't think that's changed has it?" asked Spencer, tilting her head to one side, popping her neck.

"I hate it when you do that," remarked Aria absently, curling a lock of Spencer's hair around her finger.

"It feels good," said Spencer simply and seconds later, she flushed and Aria could guess why.

"Maybe if we make a vow or something?" suggested Aria, scrunching up her face, looking at Spencer hopefully.

"What?" Spencer released a bark of laughter, gazing at Aria with amusement. "We should have a Spencer and Aria no sex vow?"

"Something like that," said Aria.

"Fine," Spencer drawled, placing a hand over her heart and smirking. "I, Spencer Hastings, solemnly swear to not have sex with Aria Montgomery. Again," she added humorously, lifting up an eyebrow at Aria who huffed at this.

"Smart ass," accused Aria, resisting the urge to kiss Spencer and sliding off the bed to retrieve her clothes. Slipping on her tank top and sleep shorts, she looked over her shoulder at Spencer. "I'm taking a shower before I head down. You should too."

"I'm mildly insulted," said Spencer with a frown.

"You don't smell bad," said Aria with a laugh, resting her hands on the bed and leaning over Spencer. This time she gave into the impulse and deposited a light kiss on Spencer's lips then murmured in her ear, "But you do smell like sex."

Blushing at this and watching Aria walk out the door, Spencer reached for the purple monkey t-shirt, holding it in her hands and staring at it but not really seeing a thing. Even with them saying they shouldn't have sex and making teasing promises, Spencer knew it didn't make a difference. They wanted this, they wanted each other, and it was going to happen again. And despite all the reasons she knew it was wrong and it was cheating, part of her didn't care.

It was that part of Spencer that allowed it, encouraged it, the next time they were alone. Responding to Aria's winning smile, allowing herself to be pushed into the bathroom stall of the girls restroom, melting into Aria as they kissed. The promises, the knowledge of right and wrong, didn't seem to matter anymore. There was an irresistible force drawing them together and Spencer didn't have the energy to fight it, not when it felt so damn good. Again and again, it would happen, they were in her room or Aria's or some private place and they would kiss and they would touch and Spencer would reach for Aria, holding tight as Aria fucked her.

Sometimes they would say they should stop, sometimes they decided to not even pretend it wasn't going to happen. Spencer had given up on broaching the topic, she had grown weary of it. There was no point, they couldn't, wouldn't, end this and for once in her life she had decided to simply give up control. This attraction to Aria was beyond understanding and that's what scared Spencer the most. There was no logic and explanation behind it, her intelligence didn't help in this situation, she was led by her emotions and her hormones. It was wrong and it was crazy and it was probably massively unhealthy but she didn't want it to stop.

Not as long as Aria wanted her too.

\---

Aria asked Spencer over on the pretense of getting help with her math homework. It was a facade Aria maintained until she shut the door to her room and kissed Spencer before the taller girl had a chance to put her bag down. It slipped from Spencer's fingers, falling onto the floor as Spencer tangled her fingers in Aria's hair.

"Since when is this calculus?" Spencer drawled humorously.

"Are antiderivatives that interesting?" asked Aria, nuzzling Spencer's neck, kissing the line of her jaw.

"I don't know," muttered Spencer in between kisses. "I appreciate the mean value theorem. It's useful when applied to motion."

Snorting at this, Aria held Spencer's chin in her hand, flashing her a wide smile. "You're such a geek," she accused fondly.

"Math is reassuring," Spencer said stubbornly. "You apply the right theorems, you get the right answers. Everything can be worked out in its own time and it really is the only true universal language."

"We're not seriously talking about math right now, are we?" said Aria sardonically, pushing Spencer's jacket off her shoulders.

"I am. You, however, appear to be stripping me," Spencer observed.

An exasperated expression formed on Aria's features and Spencer felt something inside herself snap. Why did she even try to fight this? There was no point to it, she had tried to stop herself time and time again and it never worked because deep down, she didn't want to stop. The problem was, as much as she knew this, it never kept Spencer from feeling guilty. Realistically, Aria and Ezra didn't have the healthiest relationship, it was probably on equal status with the one she had with Aria at this point in fact, but they still had a relationship and Spencer was doing it damage with her actions. It wasn't right, she knew that. However, all the right and wrong in the world couldn't keep her away from Aria, not when she looked at her with eyes dark with desire, her body warm and welcoming.

Mumbling under her breath and ignoring the look of confusion Aria wore, Spencer pulled Aria forward, hooking her fingers in the belt loops of her jeans. Aria grinned at Spencer, wrapping her arms around her neck and kissing her ardently. Spencer returned the kiss with interest, groaning as Aria backed her into the door with a thump, grinding her hips into Spencer. No longer satisfied with standing, Spencer hunched down, slipping her hands underneath Aria's thighs and lifting her up.

Shrieking happily, Aria clutched to Spencer, arms around her neck, legs around her waist, laughing as they headed to the bed. They collapsed on it, with Spencer careful to not crush Aria who was still laughing as she drew Spencer down for another kiss. Moaning into Aria's mouth, she felt Aria unbuttoning her shirt, hands tracing over the contour of her breasts. Spencer's hair was a curtain falling around them and she paused to watch Aria, taking in her plump lips, almost bruised from the force of their kisses and the wild windswept look of hair. Aria was breathing heavily, looking up at Spencer with wide and questioning eyes.

"Spence?" asked Aria quietly, concern clouding her features.

"It's nothing," Spencer muttered and she kissed Aria deeply, her tongue seeking entrance, moaning when Aria reciprocated.

They were entwined on the bed, Spencer with her shirt unbuttoned and Aria clad in her jeans and a bra when the door burst open accompanied by Mike saying, "Aria! Do you have an external hard drive? I need to..." The rest of his sentence trailed off as he gaped at the sight of his sister straddling one of her best friends. He blinked and uttered, "Whoah."

"Mike!" Aria yelled, scrambling off the bed and reaching for a nearby shirt, pulling it on as she shoved him out of her room. "Really?" she hissed at him as she shut the door. "I thought we initiated a you need to knock if the door is closed policy."

"I forgot," said Mike sheepishly. "So," he said uncomfortably, moving his weight from side to side and shoving his hands into his pockets. "You and Spencer?"

"Oh no," said Aria decisively. "We're not talking about this. You're not telling mom and dad either."

"Why?" asked Mike with a frown. "They'd probably throw you a party if they knew. At least Spencer's not your teacher." When Aria didn't reply, his eyes narrowed. "I get it," he said, folding his arms over his chest. "You're still with him, aren't you?"

"Mike, I said I didn't want to talk about this," said Aria sharply.

"Fine," said Mike, shaking his head. "I'll pretend like I didn't see anything but just so you know? I think Spencer's a big improvement. Literally off the chart and I know mom and dad would be happy about it too."

Watching him leave, Aria turned to go in her room, hand hesitating on the door knob, thinking about what he said. She knew he was right, her parents would be thrilled if she told them she was with Spencer but she wasn't with her. Aria didn't know what they had. Sometimes she wanted to ask Spencer about it but she knew if she did it would lead to Spencer bringing up the subject of Ezra. As much as she felt for Spencer, as little control as she had around her, she still cared for him and the idea of leaving him after all they had gone through didn't seem possible to her. Just the same, losing Spencer was an even more painful reality, one she had been confronted with two times now and it shook Aria to her core. They were in static right now, a sort of surreal relationship limbo, losing themselves to lust and eventually Aria knew it had to end but today wasn't the day.

Especially when she walked back in her room and saw that Spencer had left her shirt unbuttoned.

\---

Whenever Aria made jokes about Spencer bleeding caffeine, they were just that. Jokes. However, there were times when Aria honestly believed it to be a little bit true. This was one of those times as she watched Spencer down her second huge cup of coffee. The cup was large enough that Aria thought it could feasibly be used as a bowl for breakfast cereal. Spencer claimed she needed it as fortitude, she had a brand new plethora of theories and plans when it came to uncovering A's motives.

After ten minutes of half listening, half staring at Spencer's lips as she recalled all the various ways they had been used on her body in the past week, Aria gave up. "What is it about us?" she burst out, voicing a question that had been on her mind for over a month.

"Aria?" Spencer said her name with confusion, an adorable frown marring her features.

"We've had the 'we shouldn't do this' conversation how many times now?" said Aria, leaning across the small table in the cafe that they shared. They picked one that was isolated and in the corner, the perfect strategic location for privacy.

"Nine times," said Spencer, not counting the times where it had gone unspoken.

"Saying it obviously doesn't make a difference," said Aria and she slumped in her chair.

Spencer studied Aria, ignoring the twinge she felt at Aria's words, and she drank her coffee slowly. Placing it back on the table, she managed to say in even tones, "There's always the possibility that we haven't gone far enough. Half the issue lies in how we say we shouldn't be together but then we are, every day, and subsequently we're tempted. Maybe we should take a break."

"A break?" echoed Aria, looking at Spencer with wide eyes, and despite what she said she wasn't sure where this was coming from. Well, she knew where it was coming from. She just couldn't believe Spencer was saying it. The horrible thing was, Aria didn't want to stop, she wanted to keep being with Spencer in every way possible. At the same time, she wanted to commiserate with Spencer like she always did, to be able to talk with her about this unexplainable draw they had towards each other. To see if Spencer had any idea why they felt the way they did because Aria didn't and the pull she felt sometimes scared her. "Friends don't take breaks, do they?"

"I think at this point we've established we're not just friends, Aria," said Spencer sardonically.

"I don't want to talk about taking a break," said Aria emphatically, rejecting the notion, not liking the way her chest felt tight at the idea of not seeing Spencer on a daily basis. "I'm just saying it isn't like us to have zero impulse control so why can't we stay apart?"

"Other than the glaring fact that we really don't want to?" Spencer drawled, lifting an eyebrow. She ran her finger along the edge of the coffee cup, before picking up a spoon to stir it in the liquid lightly. "Chalk it up to us having an intangible chemical bond." Aria stared at her with a blank expression and Spencer smirked. "I forgot," she said. "You took bio and not chem." When Aria continued to stare at her in silent expectation, she chuckled and continued, "A chemical bond is an attraction between atoms and the bond is caused by an electromagnetic force. You and I are the atoms and the electromagnetic force..." Spencer trailed off suggestively.

"Is sex," said Aria immediately, almost eagerly.

Unable to help herself, Spencer chuckled. When she stopped, Spencer had a slight blush on her cheeks and she said humorously, "That and our friendship, I hope."

"Well," Aria shrugged as if to say what can you do, "the sex is really good."

"I know," conceded Spencer, coughing and still blushing. She took another drink of her cooling coffee to steady herself then said, "The attraction is caused by opposite charges between the electrons and nuclei. I'd say you could compare that to the differences in our personalities which, despite being contrasting, clearly work well together. Anyway," said Spencer, sitting up straighter, looking as if she was finishing with her miniature science lecture. "The strength of chemical bonds can greatly vary. But," she considered thoughtfully, "with how we act? I would say that we're definitely covalent."

"Is that a strong one?" asked Aria curiously.

"The strongest," said Spencer, smiling at the way Aria's face lit up.

"Come on," said Aria suddenly, grabbing Spencer's hand and leaping out of her chair. She leaned down, putting her face just a breath away from Spencer's as she said, "Let's get out of here. I want to test this bond myself."

Allowing herself to be pulled along, Spencer didn't comment on the fact that this further proved her theory. There was an elusive link between her and Aria that had been forming since the night of their first drunken kiss and it was growing stronger. Though she had said it more as a form of self defense and to not hear Aria say the words herself, Spencer did believe the only way for them to stop would be to cut off contact completely. And even then Spencer knew it wouldn't keep her from thinking about Aria.

The selfish part of her wanted more and it was getting harder to contain those feelings.

\---

Months of sneaking around and parental disappointment and disapproval and Aria was right back where she started. Hiding in Ezra's apartment, trying to convince herself this was romantic. Instead, she found her thoughts drifting to Spencer and the sound of her voice and the touch of her hands and when Ezra kissed her it was hard to not compare. His kisses were enjoyable but there was something missing to them, they were mild and controlled compared to Spencer's.

If their kisses were design colors Ezra's would be eggshell and Spencer's would be spiced plum. There was a noted difference between the two and it wasn't hard for Aria to realize which she preferred more.

They both were too good, that was the problem. Aria had, in her mind, essentially found her perfect boy and girl, and now she was stuck between them. She couldn't keep doing what she was with Spencer but it literally hurt her when she thought of stopping. And Ezra... she had only just gotten him back. Aria knew her parents hated him and she knew technically there were many wrong things both legally and perhaps morally about their relationship but somehow, to her they didn't apply.

People could say all the things they wanted about him and how he was taking advantage of her because he was her teacher but Aria knew that wasn't true. She was the aggressor in her relationships, with Ezra and Spencer, and when they tried to separate from her she wouldn't let them. They wanted her as much as she wanted them so when she chased them it was hard for them to whole heartedly flee. So the cycle continued and that's why Aria found herself in this place.

"Are you all right?" Ezra's voice was soft and concerned in her ear and Aria halfway wished he wasn't so sweet. If he was just a little less perfect then her decision would be easier. But that would be like asking Spencer to stop being charming. It was innate with both of them and if you asked them to stop they would just stare at you, not sure why you were asking that.

"I'm fine," assured Aria with a bright smile, kissing him again.

"You don't look fine," said Ezra, refusing to let this go. "Is it your parents?"

Sighing heavily, wishing Ezra could be distracted with kisses as easily as Spencer, she looked off to one side. "They're less controlling at the moment," she said truthfully. "I couldn't have gotten away if they weren't."

"Then what is it?" asked Ezra.

"Nothing," said Aria, halfway amused and halfway exasperated as she said this. Holding his face in her hands, trying to not think of how Spencer felt when she did this, she murmured, "I was just thinking about chemical bonds."

Ezra blinked at this and Aria kissed him, doing her level best to not think about how it felt like something was missing.

\---

It was incredibly tacky, going from your boyfriend's house to your girlfriend's in the space of an hour, but Aria did it anyway. She left Ezra's feeling dissatisfied and confused and found herself on Spencer's doorstep. Her parents were gone, as usual, and Spencer led her upstairs to her room. Aria didn't speak about where she had been as they both knew the answer. Though she didn't really get the chance as the instant the door closed to Spencer's room, she was kissing Aria, and her lips were punishing.

There was a purpose in Spencer's hands as they pulled at Aria's clothing, leading her back to the bed and stripping her. Aria fell back onto the bed with Spencer hovering over her, lips and hands demanding on her body, taking what they needed. Gasping into Spencer's mouth, Aria arched into her hands as they moved over her body. It had never been like this before. Spencer's touch had always been gentle and lingering, always wanting to take the time to explore and mesmerize, as if each time would be her last.

This was decidedly different.

Spencer's hands were rough on her body, squeezing and pinching, and there was a possession in how her mouth attached to Aria's skin but it was so good. She could feel in everything that Spencer did how much she wanted her, how much she needed her, and when Spencer finally entered her it was all Aria could do to not come on the spot. There was no slow and easy build up, her thrusts were hard and unrelenting and Aria bucked into her hand. When she came she felt Spencer's teeth on her shoulder, biting down and hazily Aria wondered if Spencer had orgasmed too but she couldn't think long on this.

In a smooth and single minded motion, Spencer slid down her body, lifting Aria's hips and Aria clutched to Spencer's head, holding her place, though her hand was soon batted away as lips encircled her clit. She didn't know how long Spencer was buried in her sex, her tongue unrelenting, tasting deep, teeth nipping at her clit. All Aria knew was that she had never come so long and hard in her life and when Spencer finally pulled away, leaving Aria to shiver at the sudden absence of her warm skin, Aria was exhausted.

She tried to fight her weariness, wanting to return the favor but Spencer hushed her, telling her it was all right. As Aria drifted off to sleep, her eyes focusing on the fading image of Spencer, she realized that Spencer had never removed her own clothes.

\---

Ever since Alison's death, Spencer had done things she never thought she was capable of and her current situation with Aria was proof of that. Though she had a noted history of inappropriate relationships with Ian and Wren she never felt like she was an equal party in how things developed. They were older, they were wiser, and they were both with her sister. She had never approached them, they approached her, and Spencer tried to end things with both as soon as they began. Although she would admit to feeling a small piece of pride in the fact they wanted her, if only because of her often combative relationship with Melissa. One that was encouraged by their parents habit of pitting the siblings against each other for their approval.

What she was doing with Aria, it wasn't the same as Ian and Wren, she allowed it to happen. She wanted it. She participated in every level of it, fully and completely, and god help her, she didn't want to stop. Spencer wanted more from Aria, she wanted to have pieces of Aria that belonged to Ezra. When Aria appeared at her door, her eyes dark and wanting, and Spencer knew she had just come from seeing him, something in her splintered and broke apart. Aria was there because she could give her something Ezra couldn't and Spencer felt not a little bit of triumph on knowing this but it wasn't enough.

They didn't speak of their feelings when they were together, they were always communicated through touch and action. Spencer had treated Aria as she felt towards her, as something precious and delicate, to be treasured always. Worshipped even. Last night though, last night she had wanted to mark her, to possess her, to leave Aria with an indelible image on her body and mind that could never be wiped away. One that she would revisit the next time she was with Ezra and leave him as a poor comparison.

The jealousy she felt truly frightened Spencer because it was accompanied by a desperate need to be wanted. In the back of her mind, she acknowledged she always had that thanks to her family. Their approval had always been a remote thing, hard to earn and scarcely given, and for as long as she could remember she just wanted someone to love her as she was. Without her having to prove herself through her grades, social standing, and activities. Her friends were important for that reason and Spencer valued them beyond all measure but ever since this thing with Aria started Spencer had to repress the need to want more from her.

She wanted Aria to look at her like she had seen her look at Ezra. Her eyes full of love and devotion, focused solely on her, and Spencer knew that would never happen. Aria would never be hers, not completely, and the division was driving her mad. Spencer needed people, she needed understanding and warmth, but she didn't like relying on it. She had grown up in such a way that she could wrap herself up in school and her activities and keep herself occupied enough that she could pretend she was fine. This sudden intense need for Aria, her mind always on her, and her inability to stay away from her disturbed Spencer.

It wasn't who she was, it wasn't either of them, and last night had proven that.

That was why Spencer decided it had to stop before it got any worse. She rather end things abruptly and leave Aria angry and disappointed but with good memories of her than to continue and wreck their relationship. This was why her crusade of avoidance began, ignoring Aria's calls and texts, fleeing from her at school, not meeting her eyes in the one class that they shared and hiding in places that Aria had no idea she visited. It was exhausting but necessary, that's how Spencer felt, and that was what kept her going as Aria became increasingly tenacious with her attempts to see and speak to her.

Hanna and Emily questioned her behavior, demanding to know what was happening, why she was so scarce. Spencer had no words to give them, unsure how to explain what they had been doing for the past four months. In the end, Spencer managed to only go two days when Aria finally caught up with her.

Field hockey practice was the ultimate cause of her failure. Spencer thought she waited long enough that Aria would have given up but apparently forty five minutes wasn't enough to deter her. When Spencer exited the locker room, Aria was there, standing across the hallway. Spencer froze upon seeing her and she imagined this was how rabbits felt when they noticed a golden eagle flying overhead.

"Spencer," said Aria and Spencer swallowed on hearing the hurt in her voice. "Why are you doing this?"

She opened her mouth but the words died in her throat and then she saw Ella rounding the corner. The moment Ella greeted her daughter, Spencer seized the opportunity to flee, distantly hearing Aria call her name. Unable to help herself, Spencer glanced over her shoulder as the doors to the school slammed shut, and seeing the disbelief and pain on Aria's face, she hated herself.

\---

If there was one thing her parents had raised her to be it was determined. Once Aria made up her mind that she wanted something, she got it. Of course, her methods were never as harsh as Alison's, who also had a similar view on life but Aria refused to give up. She would pursue her goal until it was reached and in this way she had gotten Ezra back and now she was hellbent on doing the same thing with Spencer. Except Spencer was the polar opposite in Ezra as she was just as resolute in avoiding Aria.

Her mind had apparently been made up and nothing Aria did could sway it. Somehow, she had even found a way to avoid Aria at school and they shared English class together, so Aria didn't know how she accomplished that. When she finally saw Spencer outside the locker rooms, she asked why she was doing this but Aria already knew the answer. Spencer had told her as much. Saying that the only way for them to stop the relationship they had fallen into would be to not see one another anymore. To cut off contact completely and that was exactly what Spencer was doing so it was easy for Aria to reach a conclusion.

The problem was that Aria didn't accept it. She steadfastly refused to let their relationship die. Just the idea of it hurt too much and Aria needed Spencer. This wasn't the same as when Ezra broke up with her. It hurt and Aria had gone after him, wearing him down until they got back together, but there wasn't a frantic desperation to her actions. Aria had a method and she had a plan to get him back and it worked like a charm. With Spencer there was no plan, there was no method, there was just Aria doggedly pursuing her, trying to get her alone so she could somehow convince Spencer that they had to be together.

Except Spencer refused to cooperate and Aria was left at her wits end.

In a last ditch effort to see Spencer, hoping that she hadn't blocked her number, Aria texted her an S.O.S. message, telling Spencer that she was driving over with Emily and Hanna. For the first time in three days, Spencer replied to her text, telling her she would wait outside for them. When Aria drove up, Spencer's eyes were wide and worried, and Aria couldn't contain the relief she felt on seeing this. Spencer still cared for her, she had never stopped, and Aria was doing the right thing.

Spencer had barely gotten into the front seat when Aria reached over, closing the passenger side door, immediately driving off. Turning around, Spencer looked into the backseat and seeing it glaringly empty, she looked at Aria accusingly. "Where's Emily and Hanna?" she asked.

"They aren't coming," Aria said each word clearly, separating one from the other, anger floating to the surface.

"Let me out," Spencer declared, her hand on the door handle and in response, Aria locked the doors, turning on the childproof controls to keep Spencer from trying anything else. "Honestly, Aria?" said Spencer incredulously. "You're trapping me in here?"

"Apparently it's the only way I can get you alone," said Aria stubbornly, her eyes fixed on the road.

"I can't believe you let me think you were in trouble," Spencer muttered, folding her arms over her chest. "I was really scared that something happened to you. Why would you let me think that?"

"I had to see if you would come," said Aria and there was a neediness in her voice. She stopped at a red light and looked Spencer, her expression open and pleading. "The way you've been acting, I wasn't sure anymore."

"Aria," said Spencer, her voice full of emotion. "You know why I'm doing this." The car started again and Spencer looked down at the door handle, experimentally jiggling it. Staring at the passing road, Spencer wondered if she could get the door open if jumping out of the car was even a real option. Aria seemed aware of where her line of thought was going and looked at her in disbelief.

"Seriously?" said Aria, clearly hurt as she released a sputtering laugh. "You're willing to fling yourself out of a moving vehicle to get away from me? Things are really that bad between us now?"

Lying her head against the car window and gazing at the scenery, Spencer decided to not say anything at all. Maybe if she sat here and kept her mouth shut, eventually Aria would give up and she could go home. There was no point to talking about this anyway. It wouldn't make a difference. She wasn't going back to how things used to be and she knew Aria would never leave Ezra so they were at a detente. Hearing Aria confirm all this would just make Spencer feel worse so it was best to not speak.

They drove in silence for fifteen minutes when Spencer noticed the car stopped and she looked to see they were in the Rosewood Day parking lot. Spencer started to question what they were doing here when Aria leaned across the seat and kissed her. It reminded Spencer of their last time together, there was a frantic need in her kiss, a desire to possess and to own and it left Spencer feeling ravaged. "No," she shuddered, dropping her head onto Aria's shoulder. "We're not doing this. It has to stop."

"Why?" Aria breathed and she ran her fingers through Spencer's hair, hand pressing lightly on her scalp, holding Spencer close. "We both know that's not what you want."

"What I want," scoffed Spencer. "I can't have."

"Spencer?" questioned Aria, her eyes going wide.

"I want more than what you can give me," said Spencer, pulling away from Aria and staring out the window.

"What are you talking about?" asked Aria quietly.

"Tell me this," said Spencer sharply, turning to look at Aria. "What are we, Aria? Are we friends? Are we fuck buddies? I don't know! What I do know is I want you all the time, I want things from you I know I can't have because you're getting them from Ezra, and it's killing me. I don't like feeling this way. Possessive and crazy and jealous and this has to stop or it is going to destroy me."

Silence, terrible creeping silence, then Aria said, "I didn't know you felt this way."

"Yeah, well," Spencer said, resting her forehead against the cool glass of the window. "I didn't either. At first what we had was enough but the longer it went on the more I wanted you and it's like you said... I can't turn it off." Her eyes locked on Aria and they were sad and weary as Spencer said, "Will you take me home now?"

Nodding her head and swallowing the lump in her throat, Aria put the car into drive and headed back to Spencer's house. The trip there was silent and filled with tension, Spencer lost in her thoughts and Aria obsessing over everything Spencer had said. When the car stopped at Spencer's house, Aria idled, wondering if this was it, the end of their friendship and Spencer turned to her. Eyes dark and melancholy as she reached out, her fingertips a lingering caress on Aria's cheek. "I love you," Spencer confessed, her voice trembling. "I know I've been avoiding you and I do think it's necessary but I want you to know eventually I'll stop. I just need time to get over this and I can't do that if I'm around you. Not with the way I feel." Her thumb was soft and smooth, tracing over Aria's lips. Spencer hesitated for a moment then she darted forward, her kiss clinging and full of emotion, and then she was gone.

Aria sat alone in her car for who knows how long with one thought resounding in her head again and again. Spencer spoke as if she had already given up, as if Aria had already decided, and Ezra was the only logical answer. Somehow, that hurt more than anything.

\---

Ezra or Spencer, Spencer or Ezra. It was a puzzle that Aria had been going over for days now and it was killing her. Spencer had continued her avoidance, confusing Hanna and Emily in the process, and Aria missed her to the point she spent her time reading old text messages and listening to Spencer's rambling voice mails on her phone. She tried to find some consolation in Ezra but it only made her feel guilty and there was that lingering feeling something was missing. It left her at odd ends and when her parents said there was no choice but to participate in family night, she felt some strange form of relief. Maybe it would get her mind off things.

Only when they arrived at the park to attend the outdoor movie festival, there were the objects of her self inflected torment. Ezra sitting in lawn chairs with some of his colleagues from Hollis and Spencer resting on a picnic blanket with Hanna and Emily. Her eyes were fixed on one or the other during the entire length of the Great Gatsby and she found herself grinning when Ezra began what she was sure one of his intellectual tangents or Spencer tried to explain something to Hanna who rolled her eyes in response.

The movie ended and the organizers informed them there would be a brief intermission before Breakfast At Tiffany's began and Aria bit her lip, staring at Spencer as she stood up and stretched. When she turned around, their eyes locked and Aria held up a hand in a frozen wave and Spencer smiled softly at her, making Aria's heart leap into her throat. Drawn forward, Aria started to walk over when the flash of the projector began and her gaze was diverted to the screen.

There she was, thirty feet high, kissing Spencer in her car. It was from the night she tricked Spencer, trapping her in the car to get to the truth of what was wrong. The clip flowed from one into another and Aria felt a buzzing in her head as she now stared at a video of them in Spencer's room. Aria was pushing Spencer up against the wall, smirking as she shoved her hand down the front of Spencer's pants, the taller girl writhing against her and seizing her mouth in a passionate kiss. Dimly, she recognized the shocked murmurs from the crowd and some more crude comments, then the organizers of the movie festival finally turned off the projector.

Slowly, her attention moved to Ezra, he was white as a sheet and when he locked eyes with her she could see the betrayal. He shakily stood up, exiting the park, and disappearing into the crowd. Immediately, Aria's eyes darted towards Spencer who was following a similar path, pushing through the crowd, ignoring Hanna and Emily who were following after her. Aria wanted to give chase but her parents were there, standing in front of her, with stunned but expectant expressions. Then her cell phone vibrated and she pulled it out of her pocket numbly, reading the message: How do you like your movie debut? I think it's Oscar worthy. --A

"Aria," said Byron, his voice serious and concerned. "What is this?"

"Mom, Dad," Aria said anxiously. "I can explain."

"Honey," said Ella in hesitant tones, stepping towards her. "Is this why you've been acting strange? Because you didn't know how to tell us you were dating Spencer?"

"Aria," Byron said her name again, moving in front of his wife. "Why is there a video of you having sex with Spencer?"

"Byron!" hissed Ella, shooting him a death glare. "Obviously she didn't film it." She turned back to Aria. "Did you?"

"No," said Aria numbly, shaking her head. "Spencer and I didn't know anyone was filming us."

"What?!" Byron's voice was booming and he looked like he was ready to head off to the nearest police station.

"We'll deal with that later," said Ella, grabbing onto his arm. "Aria, it doesn't matter to us if you're gay or bisexual. We just want you to be happy and Spencer is a good girl who is very age appropriate for you. Isn't that right, Byron?"

Coming out of his rage on hearing someone had been filming his daughter having sex, Byron muttered, "Right."

"See? That's what I said!" piped up Mike and their parents turned to face him.

"You knew about this?" asked Ella with a frown.

"She told me to keep quiet," Mike revealed, pointing at Aria who was in the process of being cornered by Hanna and Emily.

"Oh my god," said Hanna, emphasizing each word louder than the last. "So this is the cause of all the drama with you two." She waved her hands wildly about and said, "I thought Emily was supposed to be the gay one!"

"Hanna," said Emily with a little bit of fondness and exasperation. "Are you all right?" she asked gently.

"I don't know," said Aria honestly, feeling bewildered and a little bit shell shocked. Looking to her parents, certain there had to be a plea on her features, Aria asked, "Do you mind if I leave with Hanna and Emily? I really want to get out of here."

"Of course," said Ella immediately, hugging Aria tight. "You know you can talk to us too."

"I know," said Aria quietly and as she walked away with her friends she felt completely overwhelmed. Sitting in the backseat of Emily's car, she stared ahead blankly and eventually said, "I wonder if they'll forgive me."

"Who? Mr. Fitz or Spence?" asked Hanna, turning to look at her.

"Both," said Aria, staring out the window. The moment they started driving, she slid forward, and said to Emily, "Take me to Elm and Washington. I need to see him."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" asked Emily worriedly. "He looked pretty upset."

"I need to talk to him," said Aria insistently. "I owe him an explanation."

"No kidding," said Hanna sardonically. "How about one for us too?" When Aria sighed and met her eyes warily, Hanna asked, "How long have you and Spencer been doing the nasty?"

"Three or four months," said Aria, unable to keep the dates straight in her current mindset. "It started that night we got drunk at Spencer's house."

"That's awhile, Aria," said Emily and there was no judgment in her voice, just a kind of amazement and obvious concern. "You've been together this whole time?"

"Basically," Aria replied, staring out the window, trying not to get lost in the memories. "We stopped recently. Spencer told me she couldn't keep doing it, not with me dating Ezra. It's why she's been avoiding everyone lately." She snapped out of her introspection when she felt a hard slap to her leg and blinking, she stared at Hanna.

"Spencer likes you!" Hanna exclaimed in something akin to outrage. "And you were acting like a total player."

"I couldn't help myself," said Aria, sounding as tormented as she felt. "I couldn't stop wanting Spencer but after everything I've gone through with Ezra I couldn't imagine losing him. Now I've probably lost them both."

"That's messed up," declared Hanna. "You need to make a choice."

"I know," said Aria faintly and her words were accompanied by Emily's car stopping outside of Ezra's apartment building. Staring up at it, she paused with her hand on the door handle and looked to her friends. "I don't want to make you guys pick sides in this but please, take care of Spencer." She heard them promise this and she left the car, walking inside the building, and wondering vaguely if Ezra would even let her in. Aria got her answer when she knocked on his door and it opened to reveal his silent figure.

She walked inside and the door shut with a strange sort of finality.

"How long?" asked Ezra, echoing Hanna's statement from earlier.

"Four months," said Aria, the date emerging more clearly in her mind, it had been at the end of September. The color of fall leaves surrounding Rosewood and Spencer had just started to debut her large collection of sweater vests.

"Why?" Ezra asked and he stood stiff in front of her and Aria wondered if he would ever say more than one or two words to her.

"I don't know why," said Aria helplessly, wishing she had something better to tell him. "It just happened and I knew it was wrong, what I was doing to you, but I didn't want to stop being with Spencer." She paused and reflected on her words. Painful as it was, they were the truth and that should have told her something. How she didn't want, at any time, to end things with Spencer. In fact, the longer they were together the drive to be with her only grew stronger while her connection to Ezra seemed to fade. "I'm sorry," she said finally. "I never wanted to hurt you but I care for her so much and--"

"Don't," said Ezra, interrupting what she was planning to say next. Shaking his head, he muttered, "I've heard this before and I don't need to hear it again. I know it's over between us. I just wish it would have ended better than this. We deserved that, at least."

"That's my fault," said Aria brokenly and she hated hurting him like this. She was no better than Jackie.

"I'm not sure," said Ezra indistinctly, sitting down in his old easy chair, and staring at her with a lost expression. When Aria didn't move and the moment stretched on longer and longer, he looked away from her, dismissing her as he said, "You can go."

Leaving his apartment, Aria pulled out her phone, looking for what she didn't know. She didn't expect to hear from Spencer or her friends yet and she certainly didn't want another text from A coming in. Aria considered calling Spencer but what would she say? For what felt like forever she had been confused and torn between Ezra and Spencer and now it was all too clear who and what she wanted. It was just a matter if Spencer still wanted her too and Aria was almost afraid to know the answer.

\---

The next day, Aria arrived at school early and ignored the stares and the gossiping, single minded in her quest to locate Spencer and finally talk. After much searching, she found her in the school courtyard, sitting at a table with a cup of coffee in hand. Gathering all her courage, Aria walked over to Spencer and sat next to her, staring in the same general direction, suspecting Spencer wasn't really looking at anything. "I broke up with Ezra," she said.

"I should probably say I'm sorry," Spencer offered flatly, still staring ahead.

"You'd be lying," said Aria, hoping to drag a smile out of Spencer as she bumped shoulders with her and the other girl just shrugged. "And so would I if I said the same thing," she admitted and Spencer turned to Aria, gazing at her thoughtfully.

"So," said Spencer quietly, studying Aria for a long moment. "We should go out."

"It would make sense," Aria agreed, outwardly calm but her heart was beating a mile a minute.

"Our relationship has been backwards thus far," Spencer noted, ticking off her fingers as she spoke. "Sex, feelings, and now dating."

"We're not really fans of being normal though, are we?" teased Aria, a sense of relief washing over her. Spencer was talking to her, Spencer forgave her, Spencer wanted to date her. Somehow, despite all the odds, things were working out how she wanted.

"No," said Spencer, a slow smile spreading across her features, moving closer for a kiss. "We're not."

Her fingers tangled in Aria's hair, pulling her in and Aria sighed into Spencer's mouth. Aria missed this, the ease and the comfort of their kisses with the passion lurking just beneath the surface. When they parted, Aria beamed at Spencer, leaning into the hand that cupped her cheek and she murmured, "I love you."

"I know," Spencer replied, returning Aria's smile, and kissing her again. "I love you too."

And really, wasn't that all that needed to be said?

 

End


End file.
